Saturday, September 11, 2010

Whoa Reality check! Looks bad!

Ok so I have just had Jack alone the last two days and have been taking him places and spending down time with him. These were all taken this afternoon. I had given Jack a shoulder ride after he kept wrestling with me on the ground (my back already paying the price. lol). He then wanted to give me one. So cute. He kept pushing up and making me lose balance which is the top photo and why my arm is out trying to balance. I uploaded it to my facebook and was shocked. I think I look horrible. I may not be the skeletal, thinspiration model some anorexic and bulimic hopefuls look to but I would certainly look much better, healthier, and even prettier with about 30 more pounds!
I have been trying to eat every few hours, sometimes every hour if I remember. I don't wait for hunger as my body is still off kilter. My therapist wanted an ensure every morning as I hate breakfast. This morning I finally listened and even added a granola bar. I was at 2200 yesterday and hoping to reach 2500 today. Have about 900 to go. Will reach it. No, not easy. The thoughts are there but are over ruled by Recovery.
Recovery really is a choice, a daily one, and sometimes a minute to minute one. After time Recovery becomes ingrained more and more just like "ana" or "ed" once was. It's time to make your disorder past tense and recovery present tense!

1 comment:

  1. you are still too thin, but, you look so much better than you did in 'old' pictures. you have come so far and I'm proud that you know you still have a ways to go. Just don't minimize how far you've come. I've heard you say that you still have 30 to gain in a way that makes it sound so insurmountable (not today or anything) just don't forget how far you've already come. It makes those 30 not look so bad. (ok, they'd look awesome, but, sound so bad)