Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Warden (aka Dr. Waraich) has laid down the law!

Ok so the photos don't have much to do with what I am about to write but since Halloween is coming up I thought I would take a trip down memory lane! Some have seen the top one of Jack in utero 8 months! Yes, I even went to work like that! The 2nd one is my two protein/1 starch with one condiment costume. hehe had to be a hot dog last year as a joke to Reasons, place I spent 3 months at for treatment from "ana" last year! And of course a few fun disney ones when Seth was little.
So, I saw my therapist this week. She remembered she told me the previous week to drink an ensure every morning as I never eat breakfast. I hadn't started it yet. ugh. So then she asked for the scale. That I did turn in. She also said I needed to gain or at least not lose anymore. I had a scale up until two days ago so I knew I gained though she never says much after weigh ins, unless it's to lay down the law! So I did two out of three!!!! Anyway I had brought an ensure to session as I sometimes do. She told me to drink it. I took sips. Periodically she reminded me to keep drinking it. I noticed I easily get distracted as food intake, no matter what form, is not the norm for me. I have tuned it out for so long. I think I have really tuned "Me" out. The "Warden" was a little too intuned during therapy. It was almost like enough was enough for her to watch me like this. It made me realize I need to give a bit more to recovery.
Ever hear the term "walk the talk?" I sure have been talking but my feet seem to forget how to do the walking. With "ana" it's been hard to put the food to the test so to speak. Needless to say I have been eating a bit more. It's not easy and I have to continually remind myself and pack full lunches for work and remember to cook more not only for my kids but for myself.
I have to admit a few times I went to the empty floor space where my scale once was! I posted this "No more scale for me. I am now the proud owner of empty floor space where the scale once was. The warden has laid down the law and this time I am listening and obeying!" on my facebook yesterday. Had to laugh though the Warden is very serious. I am too. I have to do this and want to. None of it feels right or normal but that's how I know I am really in recovery because it isn't at all what I am used to after battling 20 plus years!
So now it's time to let the mouth do the chewing. hehe I think I am going to go get some Dibs! Got the jumbo bag from the grocery store! sooooo good!

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes it takes an experience of really seeing ourselves and what the anorexia has done to us to make us see we need and want to change, like being unable to drink the ensure with ease with your therapist, its a reality check and a wake up call to motivate us. Good luck hun.