The top 2 pictures were taking a few weeks before hospitalization this past year. I could point the fat out but then that would be giving "ana" great satisfaction and well screw that. The 3 bottom pictures were taken post Reasons EDO treatment center. I'd reccommend that place to anyone. They are tough yet caring and know what they are doing. I was hesitant to even post these pictures because "Ana" starts to say "you never succeeded in being thin enough you idiot" and in the "HEALTHY" pictures "ana" screams huge arms and face! Well screw that because RECOVERY screams HEALTHY.
So some may wonder wtf with the title! I am not a pro ana site by any means. I post pictures to force myself to accept me. I am tired of feeling ugly and stupid and fat (which btw is NOT a feeling:)).
For 20 years I didn't just want to be thin. yes at first but soon I wanted to be a Star Anorexic! The sicker the better. Feeling bones was everything to me. I had to be emaciated to be a "true" anorexic. But even at my lowest of 92 for my 5'8 frame which wasn't this year, it was in 2001, I NEVER saw thinness. I saw fat. You didn't think "ana" would ever give me the thin satisfaction did you? of course not, otherwise that would end the starvation!
So I am continually exposing "ana" even as we speak. A few nights ago I found out what I weighed and threw a fit......... at first! The next day was thanksgiving and I had a great time with family and minus a few struggles with food I ate "ana" free!
So now I expose the biggest (no pun intended :)) secret yet! I am 5'8 and 116 according to my scale! Now "ana" screams fat as I write but who gives a shit what "ana" thinks because "RECOVERY" is so much nicer, more sane, and it's like standing on solid ground now, not the usual quicksand with "ana". And I fully intend to get to my goal weight of 130!!!! I am the heaviest I have been in 20 years minus pregnancies!
No one says it will be easy to gain the rest as I am hyper by nature but I am eating and actually enjoying it for once!
On a side note for those struggling to "give their Ed up". I have a wonderful therapist and support team that I am just now really listening too, that means you Medusa too! Anyhow my therapist even at this weight is willing to eat with me and shows concern nd this is where i need it most, not with starvation and danger zone. I crave her concern and care and my support teams concern and care over "ana". It's basically like redirecting a child. When you tell them not to touch something or to give you something they got a hold of, like dangerous scizzors, you in turn give them something safe!
My therapist is giving me "recovery" as she takes my danger "anorexia" away~
Just a thought~