So I had to have a physical for my new job with a foster agency yesterday. I knew I would be weighed and didn't bother with the whole backwards thing this time. I was a bit shocked at first when she said 119!!!!!! I started to get a little freaked over it but after some support from Mike and self talk I felt fine. I went and ate a double cheeseburger right after because I was hungry. Wow to listening to my body and not that bitch Ana.
I started to think that, for my 5'8 frame, 119 wasn't a huge and overwhelming number anymore and that to get to the low end of what I should be (130) would mean only 11 pounds to go. I thought I have already gotten this far so why not? Why not really make more of an effort to finish gaining and see how I do? If I am accepting of this weight now, which is extremely high in Ana terms, then why not 11 more pounds?
Lately I haven't been as focused on my weight. I have my internal moments but manage. I am not always good about every meal though trying to be more aware. I still have fears but try not to let them overwhelm me so I try to shift my focus to my kids or Mike or now my new job I start Monday. If I continue to put my energies into all of these things there wont be much time to spend with Ana and soon she will be wiped out all together.
I have had more energy lately with eating more of a variety and being more aware. I still have many down moments from lack of nutrients and some drama with my ex but other than that I am feeling ok and looking forward...
Hope you all can do the same and get the support you need~
(fb Brande Gomer)