Sunday, September 19, 2010

Slowly Gaining. You can too!

These were just taken today after I got home from church. I do notice my arms a bit fuller and my face. For the first time though, I wore stretchies with a top, which totally shows every ounze of body weight (notice I didn't say fat!). It was a big step for me as I had always tried to wear things that made me look thin though "duh" always been thin. Never would I wear leggings alone with a top, only under a dress!
I have been eager to keep above 3000 the past few days despite such chaos and heavy heart regarding court stuff. I think it's a breakthrough as minor stress use to be enough for me not to eat. It's frustrating that people who are over weight aren't always seen as having a disorder yet to me it's the same thing only reversed. Some stress eat and some stress restrict. Some feel out of control in their lives and try to control others through micromanaging and abuse while others abuse themselves.
I sit here with a heavy heart for my son and for what I am going through but each day I make myself eat to gain based on professionals meal plans and I focus on all that I do have which is two great kids, getting my health back, support from so many friends and family, a great job working in foster care, and my own small place.
I think when we focus on our burdens and what we don't have that we fall back into the grips of the eating disorder. While gaining and eating an insurmountable amount of food is not easy, it can be done and does get easier after a while if you push through it each day and with support.

1 comment:

  1. Love you, Brande. Stay strong, keep growing that booty (cause it looks good!) and let me know if there's anything I can do.