Sunday, September 6, 2009

Random Ana 2009. Warning may trigger!

These are just random shots taken Feb 2009 thru April 2009. I love photography anyway but became obsessed with pictures due the torment of Ana always making sure I saw some fat even in these photos!
When you are locked in the dungeon of an eating disorder nightmare you can't see the light. You almost feel crazy because others see sickness and disgust if you are purging or if your weight is sick or if you struggle with over eating. They don't see the hell inside of the nasty grips it has on your soul.
Even posting these, part of me thinks "oh there will be several anorexics saying they were much lower or that she wasn't that thin". It's the illness of it.
It's hard for one with an eating disorder to get help and believe the professionals etc when their own eyes see something completely different. To get help one must TRUST their professional team and put both feet in recovery and step away from the mirror and obsession of trying to see a thin body before them because the illness will NEVER allow it! That's my belief anyhow.


  1. (((Brandee)))

    Wishing you every success on your road to recovery.


  2. Thanks Medusa. After reading your comment then 3 negative ones from Lily I had to delete. I realize that those in recovery or who advocate for others understand. I am candid and honest in my blog and state in the beginning it may trigger. That said life is triggering and if you are anorexic and trying to compare then maybe you need to evaluate where you are in recovery and discuss with a professional.
    The pictures posted were not for shock value because I saw myself as too big in them and the agony of never feeling thin enough was horrific. I still struggle with it but no longer isolating it and soon my blogs will have healthier pictures of me.