(taken 8-30-09~ I am far left, my son Jack, Seth. Niece Jenna, nephew Nick)
ok so I have been strugglng quite a bit since leaving Reasons back in July. I was still on weight gain after 3 months there but felt I had a grasp of recovery and could push through. But then my world came crashing down worse than it had been. With the continuing ugly custody battle ,over my 2 year old, looming all around me and then moving out just 2 weeks later to my own apartment with my two boys, I lost my job of 9 years! How much more can one take?
My parents stepped in to help financially and I have been actively searching for a job while having to be humble on state aid. But when you are a mom you will jump through hoops for your kids no matter how embarrassing it is. And after 2 years of over 40 times in court against my son's father, who is an attorney and has an attorney, and my being without one, we are going to settle out of court before trial! such a nightmare. I have to say though that all the times he dragged me back he's never gotten more than in the beginning! So in a sense I have succeeded in getting my son to age 3 before he got an increase in visitation and I knew my son would be ok.
whew that said so back to the meal plan.
My weight has dropped once again through it all and I was already at a low point. I need to pull out of this but having to drop a therapy session a week and sometimes more and not seeing my dietician weekly has hurt me. I pray for a job soon to get insurance again and get back to them more. Anyhow I was shocked at how much my dietician put on my plan to start. I was pissed but then like she always tells me "Brande, I am going to piss your eating disorder off". She is so right. Ana (anorexia) is raging right now but I said I would be 100% compliant until I see her in two weeks and have to report to my therapist Tuesday. I have never fully followed a meal plan except at Reasons and often had to have ensure. I know she will increase the plan a few more times to get me near 4000 but I have to try not to focus on that as someday I hope to help others and can't do that being a stick figure! So wish me luck as I consume all these exchanges and am pushed to dealing with what's really going on instead of turning to Ana which is so easy to do and been a 20 year habit!