Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Stress of it all~

Not the greatest picture but you get the idea of a full body shot taken yesterday!

I have been under quite a bit of stress with the insanity of my ex continually putting me down in numerous emails and texts and continually making false accusations and threats of even more court etc. Not to mention his wish was granted to have my entire therapy and hospital file sent to the judge to review. What's the point of seeking therapy, which is supposed to be a good and healthy thing, when it's turned against you in court? I have been devastated to say the least and have backed off somewhat in therapy. I trust her deeply but am embarassed by the records being released and feel so violated as they are still with the judge and not safely with my therapist.

I have wanted to restrict and lash out at me as I am so hurt and angry with all the insanity, and yes it's true insanity with my ex as he is a complete monster and doesn't help he's an attorney as well, but I haven't. Court is again this Friday and won't end there by any means.

I have not restricted! I have maintained at close to 120 for my 5'8 frame and for now this will have to do. The fact that I am even maintaining at this point, to me, is a true miracle as aside from court I am in financial ruin from it all and have other stresses I can't mention as this is spied on.

I am up a lot in the night and have problems with lock jaw due to it all but I keep pushing through somehow. Going back to "ana" would further complicate things so I have to find healthier ways to cope, and I am. Hope you will too.



  1. Hang in there Brandee! I'll pray your therapist will be fair and will have your best interests at heart.

  2. It's great to hear that you're maintaining- that is fantastic! I was thinking just the same thing today- it might be "easier" on the surface to use restriction to deal with things, but I want to actually solve my problems. I have to be healthy and well nourished to do that- no calorie number will help me actually solve anything.

    Best of luck!

  3. That is absolutely terrible that your files aren't private anymore. But youre right, Ana only makes things more complicated, even if it seems like it doesn't by appearance.

  4. Brande soooo proud of you..If you were to give into ANA you not only are hurting yourself. You are giving your EX ammo against you. Keep nourishing your mind and body so you can and will prevail in court. Eventually the courts will have to tire of his antics..love you girl

  5. No. What a monster. I can't believe he pushed so much to have your medical records released. That's so unacceptable and cruel.

    I hope that you are able to stay strong and keep focused.
    Giving into the ED would be giving into your husband and his evil.

    Good luck with court on Friday. Will be thinking of you. xx:)

  6. Oye. human relations sometimes just drive me up the walls. I can't believe some of the things people do. I really hope things work out.


  7. He's a a disgusting SOB and I'm so proud of you for continuing to stay strong, no matter how hard it may be. I'm glad court was "boring" today. Keep your head up, get some very deserved R&R this weekend, and remember to smile

  8. Ugh...I can't even begin to say how much I dislike (or hate) this man. But, on the other hand, I am so so so so proud of you for how you are handling it and how far you have come in the past couple of years I have known you. You are one strong woman and an amazing mom to your boys!