Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Stress of it all~
Not the greatest picture but you get the idea of a full body shot taken yesterday!
I have been under quite a bit of stress with the insanity of my ex continually putting me down in numerous emails and texts and continually making false accusations and threats of even more court etc. Not to mention his wish was granted to have my entire therapy and hospital file sent to the judge to review. What's the point of seeking therapy, which is supposed to be a good and healthy thing, when it's turned against you in court? I have been devastated to say the least and have backed off somewhat in therapy. I trust her deeply but am embarassed by the records being released and feel so violated as they are still with the judge and not safely with my therapist.
I have wanted to restrict and lash out at me as I am so hurt and angry with all the insanity, and yes it's true insanity with my ex as he is a complete monster and doesn't help he's an attorney as well, but I haven't. Court is again this Friday and won't end there by any means.
I have not restricted! I have maintained at close to 120 for my 5'8 frame and for now this will have to do. The fact that I am even maintaining at this point, to me, is a true miracle as aside from court I am in financial ruin from it all and have other stresses I can't mention as this is spied on.
I am up a lot in the night and have problems with lock jaw due to it all but I keep pushing through somehow. Going back to "ana" would further complicate things so I have to find healthier ways to cope, and I am. Hope you will too.