Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Ana vs Drug Addict~
Seth got student of the month for the 4th year in a row! No surprise to me with my little GATE student who just turned 8. So proud!
I have had a stressful week and been a bit insecure with my weight then looked at this photo and actually thought I was a bit too thin. Amazing how it works. Ana. Recovery. Ana. Recovery. You get the point.
Yesterday I was thinking about anorexia and the pursuit of extreme thinness. I remember I used to wear thinness as a badge of honor. Of course even at my lowest I never felt that thin but knew with pants falling off and small clothes too big that I had to be thin. I would get stares all the time and used to tell my therapist it annoyed me. But then in my sickness would just blow it off as that person was just jealous! REALLY? Jealous of illness? Jealous of looking like a walking corpse? Yep, ana does that to you. Looking back now I think many may have been thinking I was a drug addict without the sores!!!! That's right. For all you who think it's attractive and people might be thinking you are the best ana out there, most may be thinking you are a drug addict. Of course some might not even be paying as much attention to you as you think as ana thinks the world revolves around her and it just doesn't.
I have never done drugs and certainly don't want to be viewed as a drug addict or someone who is unhealthy. I will continue to fight for what's mine and what's healthy and that means recovery and a healthy weight.