Saturday, January 15, 2011
Child like Innocence~
These are just random shots of my precious little ones who are now 4 and 8 and growing up way too fast.
As I took down their bunk beds today and was cleaning their room I started thinking about child play. I often play playdough with them and board games and watch them when they play outside. Sometimes I just grin and stare in awe at the pretend zombie games they play or cops and robbers. Sometimes just coloring with them or blowing bubbles brings me joy.
It saddens me that as adults we tend to be so rigid and lose sight of our chid like innocence. With an eating disorder the rigidness is tenfold. With constant worry about what others may or may not be thinking it's no wonder we become ED robots to try and fit the molds of what we think others may have of us.
We tend to talk around and act around what we truly need which pushes us further into our Ed. Sometimes it could just be a need of a simple hug but guilt over that need may turn into days of starvation or purging.
I am learning to be more present and get to what I need. I am also trying to have more simple me time whether it be enjoying coloring with the boys or lighting candles as I type this. Sometimes endulging in my favorite magazine (People!) or puting lotion on can be relaxing and rewarding. This has been far better than Ed or Ana behaviors!
This is not to say I don't struggle as I hate my weight where it is even on the low end but am trying not to focus on it and to learn to be comfortable in my own body at the moment. Hope you will too.