Joyce is a very close friend of mine. We were at a pool party and the kids had a blast. Jack didn't want a picture as you can see. lol The kids loved the slide and water falls and jacuzzi. They especially loved when I jumped with them and went on the slide with them. It was a lot of fun as we spent 4 hours in the pool and with several other friends. And this was after 3 hours at a park as well as 2 hours at the roller rink for a party!!!! Jack took the bottom two photos. lol I think I look ok. Not glamorous but ok with myself. Still need to gain but it's a long road though becoming more steady~
I got to thinking about being in my bikini with so many people around. They were people I know but not as close to all of them. I used to cover up with a tank top. I have started to think how short life truly is and what a waste it is to not just embrace life itself. With anorexia or any other eating disorder we tend to scrutinize every little flaw or mishap of our bodies and of ourselves in general. I use to spend so much time looking down at my thighs and how huge I thought them to be. From that I would look at other flaws which became magnified by "ana". Such a waste. There's no way others spend that much time focusing on or even noticing the flaws I notice in myself so why worry about what others might be thinking?
This again goes with what I have said before in that it's so much better and more freeing to look upward and outward than to look downward at our bodies and ourselves. Life is just waiting to be lived if we embrace recovery and start enjoying the simple things in life. I know for me I wanted to date and was actively searching but came across so much scum in so many different ways. and I didn't even meet these guys in person. I prayed about it and realized I am so content right now just being my kids mom and have so much fun enjoying the little things with them that I don't miss dating or having a boyfriend. I am not saying I wont date when the time is right but with my kids, work increasing some, and still needing to gain that my focus is on what's really important for now and I am truly ok with this.
Part of beng in recovery is being content in where we are right at this moment, as long as it's not harmful to ourseves or anyone else~