Monday, August 23, 2010

Back in Therapy~

These were taken at a barbecue this past weekend with close friends of mine. It was a fun and relaxing time and I was so blessed to have a few close friends pray over me and be so supportive. Yes, a full body shot! I think I look too thin but "ana" screams "nah you are thick in the thighs and look fine." I haven't been focused on recovery per se as I am tied up with court drama from my ex. Btw one of my fellow eating disorder friends has informed me my drink counts for a fruit serving so I want credit! lol and it was a virgin so I want double credit!
I finally returned to therapy!!! I have missed her terribly and so grateful my mom is helping until my insurance kicks in soon. It's been a stressful few months starting a new job, which I am so blessed with and love, and having to deal with so much crap and bs with court. Therapy to me is self care. I do so much for my boys and put them first that I often neglect myself. Juggling work and court drama has not been easy as I miss my boys when I am gone and rush home to them which doesn't leve much time for self care. I have fallen into bad habits of forgetting to eat and not making it a priority. This is one of the first things Dr. Waraich pointed out and was concerned about as last year I fell pretty hard from all the court chaos. I often fail to make ME a priority. I have to learn that others illness and stuff is not who I am and not to carry the burden of it.
I was not too thrilled when she brought up the weight but need to listen to her. We will be working on ways to push through the chaos of court and try and gain regardless. As we were talking I got excited at my idea to take a swing dance class while the boys take a class of some activity. I used to dance and miss it so much. I miss performing on stage. It's been years and I have been afraid because of my car wreck and sore back but thought I could at least try a class. Dr. Waraich immediately said no way because it's exercise. I said I swear that was not my intent. She pointed out that it's natural for me not to look at it that way just like when I forget to eat. It's habit. I think our eating disorders become so ingrained and it's so hard to break the mold, the habits, the routine. It reminds me of opposite action where you have to make yourself do the opposite of what your eating disorder tells you. Instead I will be enrolling the boys in an activity in a few weeks when money is a little better as it's been quite a struggle for such a long time.
I am bummed about the dance class and I am bummed she wants me to toss the scale and I am not thrilled she wants me to drink ensure but I am determined to follow her guidance and thrilled to be back!!!!!! Many prayers appreciated for the court drama and my boys!


  1. i am proud of you for one, and two, love the pics of you and your kids, your kids look so happy which shows how good of a momma you must be, and how happy you are which shows how much you love being around and with your kids, which is beautiful and amazing. The fact that you appreciate all these things in your life shows your beautiful character. Go full on get that help, recover if not for you...then for your babies to have a momma who will never again be distracted or hurt by this condition. You deserve it i believe in you.

  2. Heya, you sound to be in good form which is great considering ur circumstances. Your doc is right, its a hanitual thing, but habits only take 21 days to form or break. You need furl now more than ever to give u energy to deal with whats going on in your life, and 'me' time is very important, u need it so that u can really be there for your boys as the great mum you are.

  3. So glad you are back in therapy...shows you are taking time for you. Definitely self care. Totally understand about the dance- I miss it so much as well and wouldn't think of it as exercise either- just fun and stress release. In time, sweetie...Love you!

  4. I think that's lame, no dance? ok, i know i know... but, really, like a 45 minute class once a week? They're not intense, they're a major stress reliever... So long as you don't go home and practice every single night for hours. I mean, if you can keep it healthy and keep it confined to only at the class... I'm not your therapist, but, I know how mad I would have been if they tried to take my gymnastics (I was coaching and playing around with my girls) away from me. I think they did too and never even mentioned it. You have come SO FAR since last year, even with some slips, you are miles ahead of where you were. Congrats! I hope that you can get into some low-key dance thing, for the stress relief and social aspects. You need to have some fun in your life! lol Good luck, i hope something works out.