I was thinking today about how much we get sucked into "ana" or "ed" lies. It's amazing how much trust we put into "ana" when there's so much heartache involved and trusting in "ana" is like standing on quicksand motionless. I have recently been dating a gentleman, Mike, see above! Anyhow he seems to just "get" the anorexia. I have been so programmed in it for 20 years that even now fully in recovery things come out of my mouth naturally, like my stomach looks big and I am too busy to eat (statements i say regularly). Mike doesn't push, doesn't control, doesn't give in to the thinking. He simply reminds me that it's "flawed" thinking. He encourages without babying. As much as he cares and so many others in my support system do and say the opposite of "ana" I still sometimes question it because I have been so programmed to believe "ana" lies. Even now "ana" screams I don't deserve happiness and will mess it all up. But deep down I feel confident. Deep down I know who I am as a person and do like me and what I have to offer. I just need to bring it all out of me and not let "ana" in for even a moment as that's what keeps pushing it down and making me doubt and not have the security I crave. I challenge you all to do the same. Hugs, Brandee
I was thinking today about how much we get sucked into "ana" or "ed" lies. It's amazing how much trust we put into "ana" when there's so much heartache involved and trusting in "ana" is like standing on quicksand motionless. I have recently been dating a gentleman, Mike, see above! Anyhow he seems to just "get" the anorexia. I have been so programmed in it for 20 years that even now fully in recovery things come out of my mouth naturally, like my stomach looks big and I am too busy to eat (statements i say regularly). Mike doesn't push, doesn't control, doesn't give in to the thinking. He simply reminds me that it's "flawed" thinking. He encourages without babying. As much as he cares and so many others in my support system do and say the opposite of "ana" I still sometimes question it because I have been so programmed to believe "ana" lies. Even now "ana" screams I don't deserve happiness and will mess it all up. But deep down I feel confident. Deep down I know who I am as a person and do like me and what I have to offer. I just need to bring it all out of me and not let "ana" in for even a moment as that's what keeps pushing it down and making me doubt and not have the security I crave. I challenge you all to do the same. Hugs, Brandee 
Ana is a liar, hon. Just keep reminding yourself of that.
ReplyDeleteYour Mike is not only handsome, but is smart, caring and intuitive. What a combo. I know of no one who deserves happiness more than you, Brande. And Mike is a lucky man to have met you. I'm so very happy for you both.
I know Mike doesn't push you...but I can't say the same for myself :^) Buy yourself a little timer to remind you that it's time to eat, hear?
Love,
Medusa
xoxo