Monday, December 14, 2009

When someone believes in you~

For those of us serious about recovery from this deadly, gripping disease we know how extremely difficult it is just as with any other "addiction". I hear so many excuses from so many sufferers of why recovery is so hard and too difficult. I hear so much whining instead of more sufferers walking the walk and as the nike saying goes "just do it"!

At times I have been resentful of other sufferers in recovery because many have so much support, endless financial support for help, don't have to work, and many just have recovery to focus on. In my dreams that would be for me but such is not the case. I battled in court near 40 times in less than 2 years for custody of my youngest son, while experiencing a major car wreck putting me out of work a while, losing hours at work, losing my apartment, being hospitlized, then losing my job of 9 years. Bills piling from the accident and no work and struggling to find work has been depressing in itself. Being 33 and living in a one bedroom apartment while trying to support and be happy for my two boys so their memories don't reflect my trials and pain is no easy task.

What has helped me is really focusing on recovery and the bigger picture. Medusa's blog and emails have greatly helped along with a friend from my old job who has helped me cover a therapy session and helped me buy diapers when funds were low. My therapist is seeing me pro bono, though I pay her agency she doesn't get paid and she sees me for the length of time, as often as I can come, and has even called when I have been in "Ed" crisis etc. She's gone above and beyond. My dietician stepped up recently and gave me a much needed pro bono session. Recently someone I feel extremely connected to and met here on the blogging world sent me funds for 2 therapy session and floored me bringing me to tears. After receiving news this weekend of my father's passing and having a rough week with other personal stuff going on I had no funds for counseling this week and was frantically selling on ebay to go. My therapist is that powerful and so is my blogging friend! So with Dr. Waraich, Barb, Terri from my old job, Lisa, and my mother's help I am in awe of their belief in me which drives recovery that much more. I am extremely appreciative of every therapy session I get, still selling on ebay to go, still pushing through the ups and downs, still looking for work, still climbing out of this anorexia hell which still whispers to me to fold and come back on a daily basis.
Finding those who believe in you and basically stick it out with you through the ups and downs makes all the difference. My support team is building and I need them so much right now and so grateful. I challenge you all to do the same instead of retreating to anorexia, bulimia, over eating, ednos which is a cop out, an easy way out as miserable as it is~


1 comment:

  1. Oh, Brande, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much.

    With all the obstacles you face daily and all the heartbreaking news you've received, you've managed to maintain not only your sense of humour and grace, but have also stayed the course on your recovery. I can't imagine how difficult that's been for you with all that's been thrown at you lately, but it's surely indicative of your tremendous strength and determination to get well.

    You are such a dear, sweet person, and I couldn't imagine anyone who wouldn't help you in your time of need. After all, that's what friends are for...oh, oh, I'm sounding like Dionne Warwick here :^)

    Thinking of you and hoping the days ahead are brighter for you...