Regrets when life really is too short and cut short~

These were taken today! It took me 3 tries to get the cake to turn out ok! I have a knack for drawing things I see, copy artist, so I thought a cake would be well "a piece of cake" easy! No way. Not too bad and the boys loved it! We spent the day at my sister's for a family birthday party for the boys! You wouldn't guess by the photos how much time was spent crying and falling apart just hours before~

I had been thinking and reflecting a lot about my bio father this past summer. I wanted to "reconnect" and allow him to meet Jack and see Seth again. Due to the hospitalization, loss of home, loss of job, and tough times it never happened. So this morning I called him. I got his machine which only stated his wife's name and her voice. An hour later my message was returned but it wasn't what I expected.

My father passed away of lung cancer this past June. No call to inform my twin brother and I he even had cancer. No call to say he died. No funeral. No graveside for closure. Nothing.

I regret not having a better relationship with him though I tried and I saw him off and on through the years by my effort, not his. I was extremely close to my Grandma though, his mother, and she passed a few years ago which was the last time I spoke to him as he did not attend her funeral in Idaho in which my twin brother and I handled everything.
He was an alcoholic, a quiet one from what I know. He smoked cigars and read the Bible and stayed a hermit. He had 3 kids, my older sister Sammie wanted nothing to do with him or us.

I am sad he's gone. Sad I waited. Sad I let his neglect get the better of me and didn't respond sooner. Sad Jack ever got to meet him.

I am thankful he gave me life~

At the moment I am mixed up, in shock, angry, hurt, and sad~

I ate today regardless. not much but I ate~

((Hugs))

Brandee