Thursday, December 17, 2009

Troubles ahead~:( but still both feet in recovery~

These are of my twin brother and I in preschool! As you can see in 3rd photo my mouth is open. I had a big mouth then and do now thank you very much!
There is no perfect recovery because if there were it would be ANA not recovery. And what would be left to work on? I have debated even blogging this for fear of some being disappointed because I am not sure how high a pedastal others have me on now. But regardless I know I am in recovery with both feet but have moments of falling like I did the past few days.
I have been real depressd about my father's passing, more anger than anything, and about finances. I don't want for much. I rarely go anywhere to save on gas and the kids have plenty. But without a job still and unemployment pays way low I am going in the negative in January. I am selling on ebay and trying to find babysitting or housecleaning for side jobs to be in the positive for bills. Thanks to Barb I was able to see Dr. Waraich this week and next. I am so grateful. I then have to brace myself for not seeing her all of January and part February until tax return IF IF IF I don't find side jobs or a real job soon. This kills me and only fuels the depression. It's like the drug addict needing more of the drug to feel good. Dr. Waraich is like a healthy drug. Normal recovery takes years and I am barely starting and it's been uphill all the way. I want recovery more than anything and can't do it alone. The past few days I have no had an appetite and restricted some and even took laxatives yesterday. I gave them up today and only took a few yesterday.
I am back on track but barely. Could use many prayers for a job~


  1. (((Brande)))


    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
    Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
    And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

    If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with triumph and disaster
    And treat those two imposters just the same;
    If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
    And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breath a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
    Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it..."

    -Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

  2. wow. Love this poem. Have read parts before. How do you find this stuff woman?! thanks. I will go back and keep reading it as I am a stress case at the moment! I adore you Medusa.
    BIG HUGS!!!!!