Starches, proteins, fruit galore, keep us coming back for more! :-0

Not the most flattering picture of me but is of Joyce and I adore her and so blessed with her in my life.

I was finally able to see my dietician, Lisa, last night for a longer session than usual, which was nice. So good to be back. She often doubles as a therapist and I can tell her anything.

Of course she got right down to business with weigh in and food plan. So far today I have actually and finally followed it with no sneaking, cheating, or lying to myself. I did get off to a late start but caught up.

It's an ingrained habit for me to go hours without eating and to stay busy even without a job at the moment. Food just doesn't appeal to me and I also fear eating more will create hunger I can't stop and would therefore make me over eat.

I struggle with seeing "pseudo fat" as I call it. Hard to believe others when I SEE IT WITH MY OWN EYES! But that's the disease. Like why would Mike, Lisa, Dr. Waraich, Joyce, my mom, family, and friends all lie and tell me I am thin when I am not? So hard to accept this but baby steps as Joyce puts it.

Another part of this meal plan etc is realizing it's temporary. In other words I won't always be eating a shit load of food. :-)

This all feels uncomfortable and not normal by any means. I cringe and cry sometimes. Sometimes I need an extra push here and there and get that from Mike and Joyce. Sometimes I need to not be alone when eating. Sometimes I need a friend to see and vent. Sometimes I just need to feel the uncomfortble feelings and dig deep to get to the bottom of it all.

I am very afraid. But I am doing it.

For those wanting recovery and some have asked what a meal plan looks like here is the current one I am on though it will increase:


Meal Plan Guideline
Name: Brande
2/9/10


8:30 am Breakfast should contain:
2 starches
2 oz. protein
1 dairy
1 fat
1 fruit

10:30 am morning snack:
1 starch or 1 fruit
1 dairy
1 protein or 1 fat

1:00 pm Lunch should contain:
2 starches
3-4 oz. protein
1-2 fats
1 fruit or 2 vegetables

3:00-4:00 pm afternoon snack:
1 starch or 1 dairy
1 fruit
1 protein or 1 fat

6:30-7:00 pm Dinner should contain:
2 starches
3-4 oz. protein
1-2 fats
1 fruit or 2 vegetables

9:30-10:00 pm night snack:
1 starch or 1 fruit
1 dairy
1 fat



· 2 Regular Ensure to supplement for a meal
· 1 Regular Ensure or 1 cliff bar to supplement for a snack
· Daily supplements: 1 Multi vitamin and 500 mg Calcium with vitamin D

((Hugs))
Brandee