I am in tears as I write. Hard to get the right words out. I just feel like such a fuck up in so many ways. Despite no job I truly am happy with Mike and feel ok about life in general. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I don't discount any of this but I have my breaking point and feel I am falling. All I want to do is restrict right now at this moment.
I am overwhelmed with no job and finances and bills piling. I hate where I live. I am in the negative this coming month and somewhat this month. I want recovery so bad but can't even see Dr. Waraich or my dietician for a while. I worry about leaning on Mike too much because he really does "get it" and understands and it's so easy to eat with him and want recovery with him.
I just plain don't feel good about me right now because I seem to screw so many things up and when you worry you will be homeless come March the stress is plain overwhelming. It's depressing and hard to keep afloat. I try to see all the positives and be thankful and am but am just plain overwhelemed emotionally and spiritually right now. I do need support but no funds for it. I have nothing and sometimes feel I am nothing~ I just hurt so much right now~