Thank you all who commented on my last blog entry. Your support means so much. I have stayed afloat because of support and a lot because of Mike. I have been so blessed that he just gets it. He doesn't cater to "ana" and is tough and just what I need. He's extremely supportive and encouraging. I almost hate leaning on him so much but he just understand it so well on so many levels. In many ways he's taken the place of Dr. Waraich until I can see her again.
Ana is very powerful. For me right now at this moment it's not about the weight though I have hit danger zone. If I don't know how I will put gas in my car to even get support or pay my bills this month how can I focus? How can I not be depressed which we know resorts to starving for those who understand Ana? I have been active in sending and faxing resumes with cover letters but no control over call backs and don't know day to day how to survive. All the support in the world won't keep a roof over my kids heads nor pay the bills. It's one thing to be in recovery with a therapist, dieticin, group, and other support but when you want recovery and have all those taken away due to finances then what? The stress I feel physically is overwhelming. When alone I just cry in defeat :(