ok so I am pretty sure we have all been there. Over calculate calories, spread food on our plates, act full when not, exercise in secret and the list goes on. We claim recovery yet get embarrassed to say some of these behaviors still haunt us and creep in time to time.I have struggled with these very recently. I can feel my spine and hip bones and see my ribs and crave it but I do want to gain because I look at these photos and think I look better in them and Mike agrees. Who doesn't want to please their significant other?!
Financially I can't see my therapist or my dietician. Not good. I am hoping to get on Victim Witness due to a restraining order I have for domestic violence (on my ex husband) and get back into therapy but in the mean time need some accountability. I have this in Mike, Medusa, and a few others. It's embarrassing to really say what it is I am struggling with because I want to claim full recovery and can't. I am embarrassed that after 9 months of recovery I am still on significant weight gain but at least not complete danger zone!
I encourage you to find the support, tell your secrets, have someone weigh you backwards for accountability as embarrassing as it is ( I am doing this now), and expose Ana or Ed or Ednos as much as you can to allow recovery to take hold and allow the love and support of others to infiltrate you completely~
((hugs))
Brandee
Girl don't be embarrassed! Everyone has sturggles! this is just a rough patch but you WILL get through it! I have faith in you! P.S You look BEAUTIFUL in these pics!
ReplyDeleteyour beautiful in the photos, I stumbled across you blog a few times, It is so hard to be honest with people, I think you will find people often admire you when you lay it all out and let them in. Thanks for this post, it is always helpful to read that other people have the same struggles as me.
ReplyDeleteI think you're well on your way. And you're right: accountability is key in overcoming an ED for good. Once a secret is brought out into the open, it starts to lose it's power - so don't give up; full recovery is possible!
ReplyDeleteYou have a beautiful baby and you are lovely as well. :)