Friday, December 31, 2010
Near a minimum goal!!!!! YAY!!!!!!
The top two were taken last night and bottom one the day after Christmas. Christmas day I ended up in urgent care with a shot in my ass for intense migraines. They released me to my sister who took my boys and I to her house for the night and next day. Anyhow I was weighed at urgent care. Normally I would have asked to be weighed backwards or not at all but the pain was so bad I didn't say anything. I weighed 118!!!! I weighed myself again last night and it was the same so I can safely say I am currently 118! Just two more and I can get to my minimum goal of 120which has been a fear for 20 years! Of course it's still low end for my 5 '8 frame and I WILL keep gaining. It's just been a rough week with continual migraines and not being able to take strong meds because I am a single mom! Take note it's because an exposed nerve on a back molar all due to "ana" I believe! I am on antibiotics now but pain still bad.
It's been such a rough week and many times it would have been easy to restrict. It would have been easy to go back into "ana" behaviors. But I just don't want to!!!! I have also recently receivd a few compliments of how "good" and "healthy" I look which has helped immensely. I want to be healthy, not sickly.
I was at my dear friend Joyce's last night for a wedding rehearsal dinner as I am in a wedding tomorrow. We started talking about her sister who died of anorexia as well as a recent anorexic model who died. This gal modeled naked as an anorexic supposedly to show the ugly side but to me it glamorized it as she was often photo shopped. Joyce and I started talking about how sick girls are nowadays with WANTING to be anorexic and looking to sites for ideas. I never looked to sites as I knew enough and some of the ideas are quite stupid as we read a few last night. It saddened and sickened me and made me want to gain a few more pounds to reach my recovery goal my therapist has for me.
It's not easy so don't think it is. I have been on this road a long time and have had so much stress along the way and still have so much stress with court, finances, and general stress of being a single mom but recovery is so worth it and most importantly my boys and myself are worth it.