Sunday, November 28, 2010

I don't have anorexia~

Just random photos from last year after leaving treatment of 3 months.

I started thinking this morning of how many people deny an eating disorder based on comparing to others' disorders. I did this for years and tried convincing professionals I did not have anorexia.

Even at my lowest weight of 92lbs (I am 5'8) I still got my period so therefore I did not have an eating disorder. My bones stuck out in some places but I always had an ass so therefore I couldn't be anorexic. My legs never got bone thin so therefore I wasn't anorexic. I was never tube fed so how could I possibly be a bad ass anorexic? I ate more than half a celery stick a day, though was low in calories, so therefore I did not fit the "anorexic" mold. I consumed some foods with fat content so how the hell could I ever be anorexic? I was never 80 lbs at my lowest so how on earth could I be labled anorexic? I only passed out a few times so no way could I be a "true" anorexic. I didn't see obesity in the mirror at 92 lbs, I just saw someone who weighed maybe 150, so no way was I a "typical" anorexic.

These are just a few I thought of through the years and excused away my ever fitting the anorexic mold. Reasons (place I was at last year) really help convince me otherwise (lol). After just 3 weeks of being there I was finally convinced I had anorexia nervosa despite my excuses. Funny how strong the disorder is to try and convince us otherwise to keep us stuck!

Comparing to others hinders recovery. Every "body" is different at different stages of the disorder. Time to listen to the professionals eh? And focus on recovery for you~


1 comment:

  1. A friend told me that an eating disorder is one of the only illnesses that convince you that you're not sick. The criteria for anorexia/bulimia in the DSMV is ridiculous and they are currently debating to change the criteria of not getting one's period.

    Being able to believe that you're truly sick is such a big step. Our ED's convince us that it's not really that bad and that he needs to stick around because he's not a legit disorder- just another thing in your life.

    Stay strong!!!!