Thursday, November 4, 2010
Just a few shots from our Halloween fun. The boys had so much fun. Both were thrilled when they each won a fish with ping pong balls! And yes they have loads of candy and I have invaded their buckets. lmao
I have been reading Jenni Shaefer's book "Life without Ed". I would reccomend it to anyone considering recovery.
What has really stood out to me thus far in the book is how much of a grasp "ana" has on me. There are so many sneaky ways "she" creeps back in. Like for instance I may on any given day eat 100% of what's on my meal plan but have walked 3 hours that day which is not allowed. Or I may eat a cheeseburger and put it down as a large instead of small. Or I may leave the crust off the sandwich and excuse it away. Or I may say my anorexia is not that bad because I am above 100 pounds though I am 5'8. letting go is just so hard because I feel it's been who i am for over 20 years, not what I have. I am afraid to let it go and be something else. This I am working on.
I am becoming more and more aware of the sneaky ways "she" creeps in and it's a daily task to change it but it is possible because I am doing it.
At the moment I hate my body. I hate gaining and I hate all the food but doesn't mean I am not doing what I need to. I am 100% on my meal plan and continuing with my therapist as often as I can see her so if I am able I see her more than once per week.
Eating disorders are a disease, an illness. Fighting it can't be done alone so please build a professional support system as well as family and friends for a daily commitment to recovery~