Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Back to blogging~ Standing up for my passion in this!

Hey everyone. Through a lot of thought and too much stress to try and redo or move this blog I decided to keep it. This blog has been my passion to get better, be honest about the rough road of recovery, to expose the realities of recovery and this deadly disease, and to hopefully help other sufferers. Using this blog against me by anyone just further proves their lack of character and shows how shallow, insensitive, and how miserable their own life is and they are.
It has been a rough few weeks to say the least or more likely the past two months. I am being dragged back into court due to outlandish lies and false accusations but holding my own and doing well. It's more annoying than anything. I have been to court over 40 times in 2 1/2 years and have 4 court dates this month alone! Insanity at its finest.
With that said I have lost 3 friends in 10 days time to death. I have sobbed so many times in my car and in the shower and have felt such incredible loss and pain. It's hard to even talk about at this point as it's all so recent and so raw. This alone makes court just seem insignificant.
I did finally get a job at a foster agency and love what I do. It has been such a blessing.
The boys are growing and changing so much day to day. Both are incredibly smart and fun loving. Being a single mom has its challenges but the looks on their faces, the tight little hugs, the cute little things they do make the challenges seem minuscule.
I have been struggling with my weight but not with body image. I am 5'8 and down to 103. Sorry if numbers trigger. It's not my intention but it is what it is and it's honest. "Ana" would scream go lower and you are so close to double digits" but I have no goals to lose. There's been so much stress with the court crap, financial stresses, and theses recent deaths that I am simply overwhelmed and heart broken. I feel stress in my stomach and struggle with no appetite. Many of you may think losing a few pounds to get near anorexia will be okay without realizing that soon enough you could be stuck in it and not be able to get out of it. I struggle with this. I am not saying I don't have some insecurities with my body but at this moment it's stress. I have had far too many disappointments and far more than my share of stressors the past 2 months.
Praying soon for therapy and to be back with my dietitian but for now it's about my kids and day to day getting through~
((Hugs)) to you all. Let me know how you all are doing.


  1. I can't even begin to understand how rough things are for you now - but do NOT go back to behaviors that are familiar. Well, I know you won't, you're stronger than that. I just want you to be careful.

    Good for you for not letting this person stop you from continuing something that you're passionate about; this RECOVERY blog. I'm proud of you for that.

    Love, Linds.

  2. Oh, I really didn't mean to overpass the Disney photos. Your boys are the epitome of adorable. Cute as little buttons. :-)