Friday, June 11, 2010

Eating Disorders KILL. Plain and simple! R.I.P Nine!

First off I would like to say "Nine" (far right) R.I.P. You were loved by many and will be missed. Our hearts just ache over the loss of you. You have touched so many with such a beautiful spirit and love of life. You came so far to overcome years of this deadly disease and it hurts so bad that you aren't here living life without this disease. We love you Nine!
Death is never easy to deal with. The pain is deep and very real. This disease is very real and very deadly.
I recently read a comment someone put on my Karen Carpenter tribute. She or he was more concerned to correct facts, incorrectly I might add, than to notice this disease simply kills whether traces of ipecac were found in Karen's system or not.
People have died from choking on bread or other items through trying to purge. Alive one moment and dead moments later. That's all it takes. Some have died just months into the disorder because they had a weaker heart to begin with or electrolyte imbalance happened fast. Alive one moment and dead the next without warning.
You can hit your head from passing out and die that way. yep. that simple. You can pass out while driving and get in a wreck that way.
I get so tired of girls and some guys thinking it wont happen to them because they will stop once they reach that magic number! So many die before ever getting there. And once you get to a certain weight, different for everyone, you can lose your will to live and will to eat at all and your body starts to eat itsef (ketosis). This includes your brain. You slur your speech, can't focus, get aggitated and bitchy extremely easy. Your emotions become out of whack. This I speak from experience. Sure I had a goal and once I got to double digits it wasn't enough and I couldn't stop.
And let's not forget the tooth decay, gum disease, hair loss, dry skin, muscle spasms, heart palpitations, extreme exhaustion, and loss of memory to name a few. This all can pretty much be a guarantee of these deadly diseases. And did I forget possible tears in the esophagus that have to repair themselves and are excruciatingly painful for months on end (yep been there done that). No cure for that!
This isn't an attention seeking disease. This isn't to be admired. This is deadly, extremely deadly. You are playing with fire and once you get in and stay too long you are in it for years on end and climbing your way out is dangerous and painful as well. It can happen and recovery is by all means possible but takes time, money, energy, patience, and has health risks in refeeding process and the stability of electrolytes etc.
This is not fun and games. It's not to be mocked like some competition. To even idolize this as pro ana people do is so incredibly sick in itself.
This is becoming wide spread so if you feel yourself falling into this please seek help immediately. Do not be ashamed of it. Be patient and nuturing of yourself to get the help you so deserve. Get the hugs and support and acceptance through love and understanding from those who care.
I have battled 20 years, been in and out of treatment months at a time, and continue to try to work my way out of it. In the past 2 days I have actually had some of an appetite and been excited about it because it's been so long and scary as I have dwindled down so low again. I am scared for myself but am reaching out. I hope you all will as well.


  1. Thank you Brande. Your brutal, heart-felt honesty is a much needed wake up call for many. Never give up your battle, you are worth it.

  2. You are so right. I have faught this for over 5 years and it's taken that long for me to finally accept myself at the size I am and to see that although I feel bigger than others see me, it's not real, it's not true and I am healthy at the weight I am and finally happy and finally able to feel more relaxed. I wish I could go back to that girl, five years ago and tell her that she is fine the way she is, that she does't need to diet because then I would have had to listen to that horrible ED voice telling me how much I sucked every day and how hard it was to just live. I am happy you are getting your hunger signals and that you keep fighting, because recovery is so so worth it. I'm not all the way there yet, but I want to be and I will be! I also want to say I'm really really sorry about your friend. I hope you're okay!

  3. You don't need to do dieting. You are looking great as you are. So be happy and your family will be happy also.

  4. I know this is a post from over a year ago, but it scares me because I'm fighting and yet I'm there again. I'm passing out. My cognition isn't good. Thankfully, I'm not purging but that's just because I'm eating so little it's not worth it. I don't want to be the next statistic. I want help. I'm trying to get it, but insurance is taking forever. There have been way too many deaths from this terrible disease and it needs to stop. Stay strong! I appreciate the awareness you bring to this cause!

  5. Hi Brandee, I am sorry that you have been struggling so long with an eating disorder. I think it is really brave of you to speak out, and I wish more people did. I don't think eating disorders are taken seriously enough.

    I tried to get into an IOP program for my anorexia, but I couldn't afford it and they refused to make a payment plan with me, so I didn't get the help I really needed. I have been in recovery for six years and while my underlying issues still exist, I am happy to say that I am at least at a healthy weight. Some days it is hard, but I keep fighting.

    Please take care. *hugs*