Thursday, June 24, 2010


This picture was drawn and painted by me when I attended Cal Baptist in 1995! I did a speech on eating disorders. I am a copy artist and saw this picture on a book which was about 2 inches in size but I can look at something and draw it free hand whatever size I desire.
I found this recently as my professor wanted the original poster board of it so I photographed my artwork.
I remember just last year struggling with seeing "pseudo" fat. I could see it and feel it with my hands so no one could convince me otherwise. This picture is extreme. I think in reality most anorexics who battle this part in their disease, not all do as some believe, see "pseudo" fat in places not all over necessarily and not obese usually. The more I lost the more fat I saw yet as I was weighed backwards in treatment for 3 months and gained quite a bit the fat seemed to disappear!!!!!! I had to trust my team and I did. I let go!
Body Dismorphic Disorder is a form of the disease and many think that's what they have but not always the case. Some have it and don't have an eating disorder.
I have been eating more and gaining. I am starting to feel better but it's a slow process. I am now insecure because I am too thin and want to have a "normal" figure. I still have some fears and my goal weight is low for my height but not too low by any means. I try not to focus on the number but on the health. I try to focus on moving forward and not looking back. I don't have the luxury of therapy or my dietician at the moment but have support through friends, family, and all of you.
If you are struggling with body image, no matter the extreme, I urge you to get professional help. It was through treatment last year that I really took the focus off my body for the first time in near 20 years and really focused on what was really upsetting me etc.

No comments:

Post a Comment