Friday, October 14, 2011
Fighting my way through Recovery~
Just a few recent shots of the boys and I. They are quite active and oh so fun and funny!
It's been a stressful and hectic few weeks as the first trial has started and didn't finish the first day! so much for a short cause trial that should have happened over a year ago!
Being in such a sick and horrific custody battle, to put it mildly, on top of being a single mom of 2 little boys, a bad car wreck with a big rig 3 years ago leaving me in daily pain, and the normal stressors of bills piling as well as attorney's fees etc etc etc blah blah blah has made it very difficult to "simply" focus on recovery from anorexia. It's not to say I am skeletal anymore or in danger zone, so to speak, but to be able to focus on recovery and how I am feeling and what's really going on inside seems hardly doable under such extreme circumstances with court every month and chaos of my ex.
Having an appetite under stress for me is very difficult aside from having an eating disorder so it has been a rough few weeks. I have cried after meals and even snacks. I have thought of diet stuff to buy but didn't. I have even had diet stuff in my cart at 2 stores and put them back. I have had urges to purge but didn't. I have had urges to exercise but chose not to. Was it easy? nope. I cried through it all, called my therapist a few nights, and went to sessions and cried through it all.
At the moment I hate what I see in the mirror but then at the same time feel empowered that under all this shit and chaos and sickness from my ex that I am still standing and still fighting my way through "Recovery" and against "ana".
You can too~