As some may know there was a lot of negative feedback on my previous blog entry. Regardless of what some say as to my not listening etc, it couldn't be further from the truth. It is one thing to try and bring to light something you may feel is triggering or wrong in my blog to "help" me along in my own recovery but some of the comments were sarcastic and cruel and THAT I didn't listen to and let sink in because I felt it to be abusive.
With that said I have spoken at length to those who have given constructive criticism as well as my therapist and close friend Joyce. I have come to realize my blog has flaws in it and I apologize to those who may have been triggered along the way. If I have learned anything about "ana" it's that she creeps in when you least expect it. I did not see most of my photos as triggering at all which should and does scream illness! I am still learning and finding my footing. It also doesn't mean I don't try every day at recovery and continue to push through to a helthier me. I am quite aware I have to search deep within. I am quite aware it's not about weight etc but in a sense, to me, body image does need to be dealt with. The most important thing for my own recovery is being honest with myself and my therapist and that doesn't entail sharing deepest things here but enough to try and help others and show what it's like to go through the hell of anorexia and then the struggles through recovery which those in recovery know all too well what a long and bumpy road it is.
I do love photography but will post more appropriate ones that are fun to look at and not a drain on recovery. I will not be taking down previous blogs as I have put warning signs on those most severe and because this is all part of MY road and MY recovery which is one reason I allowed the comments that were so extreme to remain.
Again my apologies.
((Hugs))
Brandee
Thanks Brandee.
ReplyDeleteBrande, No apology needed. those of us who really know what it's like to struggle with anorexia know what a bitch it is and how insidious it is. When you blog I understand that is where you are at that time. It's also YOUR recovery and no one else's. If "ana' is in a trigger mode, then she's in a trigger mode at that time but you are not always in that mindset. You should'nt have to apologize for you path of recovery. I just want you to know I appreciate how "real" your blog is and how you share your struggles. Keep keeping real girl! love ya, cheryl
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, cheryl, but I really appreciated Brandee's very thoughtful and insightful post which included the apology. Does that mean I don't know what it's like to suffer from anorexia or an eating disorder in general? Are you pro-triggering? I try to be very careful with my words and try not to trigger people. I think we should all take on that responsibility, regardless of our stage in our illness or recovery.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could put into words exactly what Cheryl has said on here so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteBrandee you haven't done anything wrong here, this is your recovery site- your own individual process, and you shouldn't take to heart what one unbelievably pessimistic and angry person has to say when they are hiding behind a cloak of animosity and stubborn berating.
I'm so sorry you're forced to deal with people like Anonymous on here, when you clearly deserve support and applause on your individual achievements with this disease.
-Kelli
I'm one of the anonymous people. I go by "bananas" on the blogs. There, I'm no longer anonymous...
ReplyDeleteI just want to point out that there were *several* people expressing their thoughts on that last blog -- it certainly wasn't just me.
Next time I'll just use my account (if there is a next time) (I didn't use it now because I'm signed into another account.)
I really appreciated the apology and the thought that went behind it. No, she didn't need to apologize per se, but it was excellent to see a clear explanation that showed a lot of insight. As one of the people that was really disturbed by the last post, I just really appreciated it.
-bananas
Anon, I have to agree with the ladies here and what they are trying to say. Here Cheryl, who personally knows me, states some pretty supportive stuff and it feels like you put her thoughts down yet have freely expressed your own. The previous blog didn't just have negative comments but also had plenty of supportive comments as well. While some are entitled to their opinions, abusive comments were not appreciated by any means and I am not condoning it nor apologizing for tht by any means.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kelli and Cheryl. Much love to you both.
((HUGS))
Brandee
Brandee, I thought I was being pretty nice here and thanking you. So why are you getting all upset with me?
ReplyDelete-bananas
Brandee, to learn from criticism takes a lot of growth and maturity. It can only make you stronger. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteok, I have sworn I would let this thread go, but I feel I have to respond to a few of these comments:
ReplyDeleteKelli- Anonymous' comments weren't the only ones. I was the one who started this whole thing with my initial comment, which I don't think was at all pessimistic, angry, or berating.
Cheryl- I, too, take issue with your "those of us who really know what its like to struggle with anorexia" comment. Believe me, I know what it is like to have an eating disorder. I'm not going to get into comparing # of hospitalizations, years spent in illness, or severity of symptoms with anyone on here, because that just fosters unhealthy competition. I will just say that I have been around the block a few time. Maybe it is because I DO know anorexia's insidious nature that I take issue with someone posting triggering material on a recovery site, where vulnerable people may be exposed to it.
In general, I would also like to point out that it is possible to be authentic without being triggering. I consider my blog to be a "real" and honest portrayl of what it is like to struggle with eating disorders/mental illness, even though I don't include weights and triggering pics. This is true of most of the recovery blogs that I follow.
Honestly, I would not have posted my origional comment if I thought it would create this much controversy.
Thank you Lisa. Very well said.
ReplyDeleteI also took issue with Cheryl's statement that if Brandee wanted to be pro-triggering she should, as it's her blog. Read the title of the blog, Cheryl... I beg to differ here. I don't think it is ever OK to be PRO-TRIGGERING. If you want that shit, then sadly you belong on the pro-ana sites.
Look, I don't want to have another flame war here.
People are allowed to have opinions. It is a public blog.
And I agree with Literacygirl's comment as well. Coddling people constantly does not encourage growth or expansion of thought.
This is ridiculous. People are being down right cruel here. It is't even constructive. It's purely judgemental. Please refrain from reading or commenting on my blog any further. It's not enough I apologize for those offended as you have to now turn and offend me (on purpose) without giving any thought to what I am going through right now or what this feels like. Are you walking in my shoes? Why are Kelli and Cheryl "supposedly" wrong here as am I accordng to your judgements yet you two are "supposedly" right? Explain that. Oh wait, I don't need you to as I am tired of this stressing me out.
ReplyDeleteIt is my blog so please stay out of it. I find it very sad and VERY TRIGGERING that you would try to bring me down so low. You say it's not about weight. ok then what you are doing is very triggering to someone struggling at the moment. I may be in tears but because I will not allow either of you to control my recovery or have that much power I will continue in my recovery regardless.
When I reach my goal weight I will be posting anther bikini shot! Out of over 100 postings this is the first where it's been this bad with the same consistent people.
Lisa at first I thought of some of what you stated and did let it sink in but then you switch here with such harshness. It's like you in turn became a follower to anon who can say he or she is bananas which is not a real name. Regardless your blog is your blog and that's YOUR opinion if you think it's "better" than my per se.
Please leave me alone. I have a therapist as well as constructive support and my weight is up. 120 POUNDS for my 5'8 FRAME. How's that for numbers ladies!
Ciao.
((HUGS))
Brandee
Wow, I give up. You're like, insane.
ReplyDeletelmao Thanks anon for totally proving my point about you! Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBrande...I love you so much honey. You are one of the most positive people I know from treatment, and you are continuously devoted to recovery. I'm so proud of all that you've accomplished. Bran...you are one of the people that has helped to KEEP me in recovery for (wow!) almost 2 years now. I love you and I love that this blog can be YOUR outlet. It belongs to no one but you. I think that working through this criticism, not beating yourself up, and continuing on your journey of recovery will be a great step towards beating Ana once and for all. I'm always here and on your side honey. I LOVE YOU! YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS!! <3
ReplyDelete