We had a small family reunion yesterday with mostly my mom's kids, grandkids, and a few long time friends as a send off to my nephew going into the coast guard!
Top photo is of my twin brother and I. He's 35 minutes older!!!! The second one is of my niece directly on the right and her friend and sister. Bottom ones are the whole gang and then a grandkids shot for my mom. It was such a fun time and my boys had a blast! They are the ones in matching shirts not paying attention in the first group shot!!!! lol
Anyhow it's been a rough week. For the first time in over a year my blog feels as though it's been brutally attacked. Not only this but I have had a horrible body image week due to some medical issues physically. I have also had a rough week with work and uncooperative, abusive parents. I have also had a bad tooth in the very back causing severe headaches and pain but can't take anything strong due to work and being a single parent. So as if court shit and finances weren't enough stress, I had a shitty week and a long week ahead! sigh~
But this is MY blog and I do as I see fit since it helps me, minus the cruelty, and I have pushed through the pain and anguish that drives "ana" to her glory. No glory for her this week! I think I look pretty decent in these photos. I am not thrilled about gaining. It still freaks me out but is no longer debilitating. It's not to say I don't cringe and cry in therapy over it, and yes over "real" issues, which drives the disorder and the disordered thinking. It's all just so much to process and takes time which is where self care comes in.
I have therapy tomorrow and don't even want to go because last session was so rough and I am still very upset over it all but it's a good thing because she certainly knows how to push the right buttons to really get me feeling and to the core of what is really going on and it has nothing to do with weight, which we know already.
Let me make it very clear that this blog exposes the truths about "ana" in EVERY way. We live in a world full of triggers and can't hide and be sheltered from it nor baby ourselves from it. I have been through hell and back with horrific stuff in court and have learned that I can still have a good life and that how I react to it all means everything. I have to continually pray, process in therapy and with friends and family, and learn different ways, other than "ana", of coping and am! Hope you will too!
((Hugs))
Brandee
I just wanted to say that I've been following your blog for a while now and I'm so sad that it was attacked so brutally. Personally I've just started a new and slightly more intense form of treatment for my anorexia and your blog provides me with so much hope as you outline the ways in which you defy 'ana' every day. I'm 18 and I've had an eating disorder for 4 years - it often feels like eternity and like I can never escape - but then I read your blog and I'm reminded that you suffered for longer and are now so much better! Thank you so much for providing me with hope and inspiration for a better life - one free of ana where i am strong enough to stop her xxx
ReplyDeleteYou are so right this is YOUR blog and YOUR recovery and I think you working so hard for recovery so that you can have your life back! keep blogging and keep fighting..much love, cheryl
ReplyDeleteI'm so jealous you have so many haters in life. =o) We each see and experience recovery our own way. It saddened me to have read the comments that essentially attacked your recovery. If something is triggering me, I stay away from it. Maybe those who are triggered by your site should do the same. In addition, I failed to find any instance where you posted any pro propaganda like one of the comments suggested. Expressing feelings that you have which contradict what you are trying to have is not supporting those thoughts. It's called life, it happens. These negative nellies also committed a major sin in my book. You do not insult Cheryl. The end.
ReplyDeleteIf you can, I would block comments from anonymous cowards.