"Ana Contraband"

The bottom photo is one of my fav's. Love the top, too, but hate the thighs. Of course that's "ana" talking but regardless I look healthier. I was close to 120 according to the doctor who weighed me at a physical just two days after these were taken.

okay so I was commenting on someone's status today and mentioned "ana contraband". I was speaking of how I gave up numerous books I had on eating disorders because I felt they were triggering at times. I have owned them for several years and they sat in a box for such a long time. I turned them over to Dr. Waraich recently. While most of these books are on women overcoming this disease, I felt a lot of these books give too many ideas etc for, those struggling, to stay in the disease. The one I do have is by a Jenni Shaefer titled Life without Ed. I have yet to read the entire book but going to start this weekend as many say it's a great one that truly focuses on recovery.

Other "ana contraband" for me has been vhs tapes that date way back when, full of talk shows and movies on eating disorders that I have watched so many times that I practically have them memorized. Time to give those up. I also gave up my double 00 and size 16 little girl sizes from last year. While I don't use laxatives or any other types of weight loss pills anymore and haven't in a very long time, I don't keep any of it in my place. Other "ana contraband" is keeping in relationships with people who are in competition in the disorder still and not even remotely looking to recovery. I wish I could cut all ties with toxic people who trigger me, like my ex, but stuck with that another 14 years.

So while we can't control all triggers, we can eliminate what we do have control over and be honest in giving it all up despite how difficult it is. I wouldn't recommend doing this alone but with a friend or therapist because it's a process to let go and a process in grieving what once gave you comfort, even though it was a false comfort.

((hugs))

Brandee